Falling from my 5 star perch

All in one day I lost my 5 star privileges and my Sherpa. Damn!

Hello Belmond xox

To mark 10.5 months travelling together, Sherpa and I booked a 2 night stay in Lima's fanciest 5 star hotel - The Belmond - before he flew back to London for wedding duties. Sad face. 

The Belmond did not disappoint. It's a whole new world of luxury - a masterpiece. Every corner of the hotel was exquisite and I should know, I didn't leave the place for three whole days. 

Booking a 5 star hotel was a big deal for us backpackers. But if you're going to do it, do it right. We booked the Ocean Suite with Club Level Access - this basically meant from breakfast until I passed out each night in the Club Lounge, it was free food and booze on the top floor. I'm confident we got the better deal - I'm a thirst Lady Client and Sherpa, well, he never stops eating. 

Over three days, we lapped up the luxury: the cookies at turn down, the pretty ribbons holding our towels together, slippers, robes, 6 pillows, fluffy towels, 1,000 thread count sheets and I left with a bag full of body wash, moisturisers and shower caps (seriously, who am I?). 

But boy have I fallen from my 5 star perch. Sherpa got to jet-set off to London and I had another night in Lima - but not in our palace. I went from a posh, plush hotel to backpacker inn. And to make sure I landed face first on the cement, I had stupidly booked a f*#cking DORM ROOM!!! An 8 person, no privacy, loud-as-hell dorm room. As if an 8 person room isn't bad enough, I checked in late (I was busy sipping champagne back at The Belmond) and was relegated to a top f*# king bunk bed -  at any moment I could roll out and die. The hostal cats would most likely eat my remains before any of my careless roomies stepped over me. One more little kicker....the pipe from thetoilet ran right past to my head.

But like a bad infomercial, there's more. For the icing on the cake, some smelly fat dude (no judgement, just facts) walked into the dorm, changed his pants in front of me and shouted "4th of July, fuck yeah". And walked out. 

My roomies extended me no courtesies during sleeping hours. A French couple came into the room at 2am in a verbal brawl before what I can could only assume was them tearing open their backpacks like they were uncovering hidden treasure. Unnecessary. Mr 4th July stumbled in at 4am and got his snore on - big time. The type of snore that comes from deep inside - like a congested, throaty growl. Perhaps National Geographic were filming for a new show? 

But it has a bittersweet ending. Revenge, I mean karma, is delicious. I had an early flight to Ecuador that morning and my alarm was set for a cheery 5am. Of course, at that hour, most people would quietly pack up and leave - but not grumpy, sleep deprived me! I'll let your imagination run wild with how this baby elephant left the dorm. So long, suckers. 

Instagram: @thelisaphillips #somedaysherpa